Name?
William Maisey

Nickname?
Billy, Gindu,

Where were you born?
Maidstone, Kent

Where do you live?
Liphook

How old are you?
17

Make of Cricket Bat?
GM Hero

Cricket Bat Weight?
2lb 8oz

Batsman/Bowler/All-rounder?
Professional Fine leg

Grayshott Debut?
9 years ago…

Your Most Memorable Match?
Frensham 2006, 50* and 4-12

A game you would like to forget?
Any in the last 5 weeks.

Grayshott’s Joker?
Danny BrownBalls, definitely a man you describes funny

What is your favourite drink?
Fresh Cider

What is your favourite food?
Chinky Chow

Who do you really fancy?
Jesus, id be gay for him.

What do you drive?
Nothing at the moment, next month a Honda XR125L

Who does the Best Cricket Tea?
Me obviously, if not that, Ita Brophy… or one of the 2nd XI tea boffs

Do you have any pets?
Not that i know of… i think something might live in my house… either a bat… or my brother

What is your Favourite band/type of music?
METAL!

What was your ambition when younger?
To go into Physiotherapy

Favourite Football Team?
Portsmouth, can’t say i follow footy that much nowadays though

Anything in your life so far that you regret having done or not done?
Learning to read

If you could invite 3 people, dead or alive, to dinner, who would they be and why?
Bob Marley, hash cakes all round!!
Boris Johnson, he knows what he’s talking about (sometimes…)
Kevin Smith/Jason Mewes AKA Jay and Silent Bob

What was your last lie?
I don’t have any baccy left…

Describe yourself in 5 words
Irritating, Jolly, underachieving, easy-to-please, Gindu

What’s the best book you ever read?
Any of the Simon Scarrow books

What’s your dream job?
Lottery Winner

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?
Tarifa, Spain… its awful in every way, even the hotels are aweful, we elected to sleep in a bus stop (where i belong anyway) rather then one

If you could fly on a magic carpet, where would you go?
Amsterdam

If you could go back in history and prevent one person being born, who would you and why?
Henry VIII, it was him that originally illegalised cannabis dontcha know?

Funniest Moment on a Cricket Field?
Me at Wrecclesham 2006… i think that was more sad then funny though

Best thing about Grayshott Cricket Club?
Jim Haywood

Name?

Samantha Amy Rance

Nickname?

None that I know of

Where were you born?

Pembury, Kent

Where do you live?

The nice end of Whitehill

How old are you?

26

Make of Cricket Bat?

A yellow handled one

Cricket Bat Weight?

They come in different weights??

Batsman/Bowler/All-rounder?

Definitely not a bowler and hopefully one day will be an average bats(wo)man

Grayshott Debut?

2007 Vs Burridge, we lost and were all out for 37

Your Most Memorable Match?

2008 Vs Alton, 2nd victory of the season against a really good side.

A game you would like to forget?

2008 Vs Aldershot, we were all out for 12 in 12 overs and the game prompted                                                  Aldershot to consider entering a better league.

Grayshott’s Joker?

There’s no jokers in the ladies, which is maybe our problem we take everything                                              so seriously.

What is your favourite drink?

Pear Bulmers or Southern Comfort

What is your favourite food?

Roast lamb

Who do you really fancy?

I’ve heard the 2nd XI wicket keeper is quite scrummy, although a little dim.
What do you drive?

Fiesta with road kill damage

Who does the Best Cricket Tea?

Lou, its amazing what she can do with £22!

Do you have any pets?

One cat, called Branston by me and  Dougie Thunder by Tim

What is your Favourite band/type of music?

Depends on the mood/situation

What was your ambition when younger?

To be ambitious

Favourite Football Team?

Brought up supporting Chelsea.

Anything in your life so far that you regret having done or not done?

Don’t believe in regrets.

If you could invite 3 people, dead or alive, to dinner, who would they be and why?

Frankie Boyle, because that man makes me giggle

Kerry Katona, So Frankie has some cannon fodder

Gordon Ramsey, for his cooking abilities and fantastic use of swear words.

What was your last lie?

Not that long ago, but it was  small and white so doesn’t really count.

Describe yourself in 5 words

Insert five random words here

What’s the best book you ever read?

To kill a mockingbird

What’s your dream job?

My job but in vegas, they make it look much more exciting in CSI

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?

In my job most of the places I go are pretty bad, but if I had to choose I would say Woking.

If you could fly on a magic carpet, where would you go?

It would all depend on the thread count and how many miles you could get out of it.

If you could go back in history and prevent one person being born, who would you and why?

Marty McFly and Doc Brown taught me bad things happen when you muck about with the past.

Funniest Moment on a Cricket Field?

I suppose watching a team get bowled out for 12 in 12 overs would be pretty funny if you were not the captain of said team.

Best thing about Grayshott Cricket Club?

That they believe in Ladies cricket!

Name?

Huw Stephens

Nickname?

Huge

Where were you born?

Frimley

Where do you live?

Hook

How old are you?

31 (as long as you publish this in next 6 weeks)

Make of Cricket Bat?

BAS

Cricket Bat Weight?

Heavy (despite seeming to have a missing bit this year…..a middle?)

Batsman/Bowler/All-rounder?

1^st Team on-field cheerleader (part-time)

Grayshott Debut?

Youth cricket 1987(?), 1^st XI 1992

Your Most Memorable Match?

Hundred against Pirbright

A game you would like to forget?

Any this season

Grayshott’s Joker?

The guy pretending to be in the police Ollie Roberts

What is your favourite drink?

Lager

What is your favourite food?

Full Japanese breakfast

What do you drive?

Zafira

Who does the Best Cricket Tea?

2^nd team in 2006

Do you have any pets?

no

What is your Favourite band/type of music?

Red hot chilli peppers

What was your ambition when younger?

Run a business

Favourite Football Team?

Southampton

Anything in your life so far that you regret having done or not done?

Not visiting Mongolia

If you could invite 3 people, dead or alive, to dinner, who would they be and why?

Rodney Wallace, Tokugawa Ieyasu, Adam Smith (I like books, football and Japan)

Describe yourself in 5 words

cricket skills in decline

What’s the best book you ever read?

The cheese and the worms – Carlo Ginzburg

What’s your dream job?

writer

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?

The Ganges in Varanasi

If you could fly on a magic carpet, where would you go?

Mt Fuji

If you could go back in history and prevent one person being born, who would you and why?

Stalin – tyranny under-rated due to cold war

Funniest Moment on a Cricket Field?

Jack’s Buttock Strain Chronicles

Best thing about Grayshott Cricket Club?

Familiar faces to welcome you back however far away you go

Name?

Haywood, Matt Haywood.

Nickname?

Nope, nothing springs to mind. Nobody in the club calls me a nickname, no sirree, none.

Where were you born?

Fareham – the jewel in the Hampshire Riviera.

Where do you live?

Haslemere – more season tickets to London sold there than anywhere so we’re kind of important you know.

How old are you?

22 years young.

Make of Cricket Bat?

Don’t believe in material possessions – they only break.

Cricket Bat Weight?

I am partial to a light piece of willow.

Batsman/Bowler/All-rounder?

Sobers like all-rounder, there is literally nothing I cannot do on a cricket pitch. In fact, better than Sobers because I am quite handy bowling right handed as well.

Grayshott Debut?

Ooh a toughie. Probably filling in for the fearsome under-11s of about 1995. The side that brought us such luminaries as Ali Lindsey-Clark, Danny Schwick, and later Grayshott’s favourite burrowing wicket-keeper, Mole himself.

Your Most Memorable Match?

Beating the mighty Churt in the 2005 Broxhead final was quite special, I mean I was humbled just to be on the same pitch as those guys although at the same time there’s that horrible feeling when you realise your heroes are mortal too.

Also a seconds game versus Tilford IIs in about 2002 in which we were chasing about 190. We got to within 20 with 6 or 7 wickets left before finding the most ingenious ways to get out – watching from the sidelines it really was compelling, our collapse had this macabre inevitability about it and batsman after batsman just complied meekly. Anyway, we got to the last pair which I think was Robbo (senior) with Alex Overy, and if David Lloyd had coined the phrase by then we’d have all been starting the cars.

We eked closer and closer – I seem to recall one massive appeal where Robbo blatantly cheated – until we needed about 2 with Alex on strike. He proceeds to unfurl this lovely back-foot cover drive down to the Barley Mow boundary and the victory is ours. For some reason it felt incredibly significant at the time. I guess that’s the joy of cricket.

A game you would like to forget?

Well now. Lets start with the Stevens Cup final of 2003, also 2005, and 2006, not to mention 2008. We can throw in the Medstead of 2002, and 2004, and 2006, and 2008, and we shouldn’t forget the Broxhead of 2006 either.

Beyond those losing finals I’d have to highlight Dogmersfield 2003. Now this is something of a personal gripe so you’ll have to bear with me. First, the context: I had just finished a gruelling week of college exams during which I’d been clinging to the weekend’s game to get me through (yeah I am that sad). It was a glorious day at a ground I’ve always liked etc etc. Anyway, basically I was really looking forward to this game.

I was a bit miffed from the outset when I was relegated from opening the bowling to make way for Mr Wheble – a fine bowler don’t get me wrong but back then I thought I was the guy. Eventually I come on as Nick Hindle is flaying us around. Early on I bowl the perfect outswinger and he edges a regulation catch, chest-high, to a certain Mr Whitley at slip. Well, obviously, that catch is shelled, and so I start to bowl rather faster, soon bowling a perfect bouncer that is fended into the air, arcing impossibly slowly into the gloves of the keeper, Paul Osborn. In the intervening years I have tried in vain to understand why it was that that ball should have fallen through those gloves and landed so serenely on the grass but that is a riddle I don’t think I’ll ever solve. At the time I was not quite so philosophical.

Anyhow, they total over 200, and we are set with a difficult task against Ed Smith and co. Nevertheless, our failure really is spectacular. I was pleased to be given the chance at number 6 – some chance that turned out to be. I strode to the crease with all the confidence of youth at about 20-4 dreaming of a debonair match-winning century. Obviously the batsmen have crossed on the previous wicket because I’m at the non-strikers end, which is nice, as Ed is bowling quite steadily. The first ball I witness is full, and Sim smokes it back at the bowler who flays an arm towards it in a vain attempt to stop it scudding to the boundary. All he succeeds in doing is flicking it onto my stumps whilst I, a naïve eager youth, am backing up and out of my ground. Thus am I run out for a duck, without facing a ball. My pavilionwards trudge is somewhat more forlorn than normal.

To makes matters worse, my spectacularly insignificant innings is made all the more so by the fact it is merely part of a greater horror show, as we slip to 35-9. I think maybe even more embarrassing was the fact it took Mark Sobey and Pete Hannam to more than double our score and confine our eventual losing deficit to 130. Yup, that was a bit of a low – somehow doubt I’ll forget it in a hurry though, isn’t that always the way?

Grayshott’s Joker?

Our performance in finals – not so much our best joker as our best running joke.

Also, Mark Richards seems to think he’s quite funny, which is odd given that he quotes Will Ferrell films and the funniest thing he’s come up with is the word shoehead.

Langy’s stare at an offending fielder is comic genius. It appears threatening but more than anything speaks of his humility, shedding a little light into the hardship he continually endures in putting up with such mere mortals as the rest of the team.

What is your favourite drink?

Since uni essay deadlines kicked in I’ve become a bit of a coffee fiend, at one point unhealthily so. However, I managed to get in under control when I discovered crack.

What is your favourite food?

I do tend to get inordinately excited about any wheat-based product with a bit of bacon in it.

Who do you really fancy?

Nobody you’d know.

What do you drive?

I do a passable imitation of driving a Peugeot 206 GLX, 5-dr 1.4 2001 diablo red, 821.25 kg, tread depth 2 mm, Magic Tree air freshener, citrus flavour.

Who does the Best Cricket Tea?

Lords, I’ve heard.

Do you have any pets?

Two cats call my home their own. Or at least they call the home that I call mine theirs.

What is your Favourite band/type of music?

Anything based around the sound of the lute is simply divine.

What was your ambition when younger?

I’ve always been sadly deficient in the old ambition stakes. I went through a stage of dreaming that one day I’d write a relatively humorous, and failing that concise, personal profile for a club or organisation but that passed.

Favourite Football Team?

Manchester United. And I take that matter quite seriously if you don’t mind so cut out those sniggers.

Anything in your life so far that you regret having done or not done?

Regretting things you haven’t done seems like an existential minefield. A niggling topical, some might say risqué, regret is over agreeing to captain the Shotts in 2008! Oooh, he didn’t did he? No seriously it’s been wonderful.

If you could invite 3 people, dead or alive, to dinner, who would they be and why?

Jesus Christ would be the first name on the list. I’d give him a bit of a Paxman about the old life story. If it stacked up he could justify my decision to go with the couple-of-loaves-of-bread-and-a-fish menu and forgo the wine for the expense-saving water.

I might invite God too (the Christian one that is) so I could do a Jerry Springer and pry into those murky family relations (“So Jesus, did you ever feel like your dad wasn’t really there for you?”).

I guess third would have to be Robert Hubert. Yes, he’s a little obscure and might be intimidated by his big-name fellow diners but what an intriguing chap – he confessed to starting the Great Fire of London by throwing a fire bomb through a bakery window and even though it was proven that he arrived in England 2 days after fire started; that he was never near the bakery in question, which didn’t actually have windows; and that he was disabled and incapable of throwing a bomb, he was hanged for it. That there is an interesting fellow.

What was your last lie?

Perhaps this question should be asked at the beginning of the profile, before you’ve answered any others? Before that it was at work when I said I hadn’t asked for a tea to avoid embarrassment when really I had.

Well if you ask mundane questions you will get mundane answers.

Describe yourself in 5 words

Writes way way way too much. (geddit?)

What’s the best book you ever read?

Although as a rule I don’t really read books I did make an exception for the entire Harry Potter series. The way Rowling negotiates the precarious divide between the plausible and the believable is quite engrossing.

What’s your dream job?

Sometimes I think umpiring international cricket would be a rum do, but more often I conclude writing about it would be better.

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?

Hell – I ended up there after missing my turn on the Old Kent Road. It was quite a surprise I can tell you. Bordon’s not lovely.

If you could fly on a magic carpet, where would you go?

Well I guess it would be somewhere that’s not served by any major carriers because that’s plainly the sensible way to go. So I’d have to say the land of Honalee.

If you could go back in history and prevent one person being born, who would you and why?

Maybe Shane Warne. Yeah I know I’m sorry, I’ve just never been a fan of that self-aggrandising little pseudo-prophet.

Funniest Moment on a Cricket Field?

Cagey meets stumps in a Sunday game at Haslemere. Mr Collier dons the sunscreen avec bowling hat, lacking trouser elastic. Ali undone by passing car at Chiddingfold. James Horsman playing. Witnessing one of Langy’s plans go awry (e.g ‘lets see how he likes the yorker’, ‘he’s hooked it for six Langy’). That time the guy headed the ball miles over the boundary in a Grayshott 6-a-side (I wasn’t actually there for this one but it always comes up so I’m just gonna start pretending I was).

Best thing about Grayshott Cricket Club?

The name – snappy, succinct, on-message, and above all, thoroughly descriptive.

Name?

Gary Martin Cedric Hunt

Nickname?

Mole, Moley, Molecheese

Where were you born?

Manchester – luckily my parents moved before I knew anything about it.

Where do you live?

Liss – The rich man’s Grayshott.  So picturesque that they make you stay by keeping the crossing gates down for about 35 minutes of each hour.

How old are you?

It depends when you are reading this, I was born on 07/10/1983.

Make of Cricket Bat?

A Will Cage original limited (ability) edition Slazenger

Cricket Bat Weight?

2 lbs 8

Batsman/Bowler/All-rounder?

Wicket-keeper batsman

Grayshott Debut?

Under 13’s, not sure who against.  I was headhunted by Ali.

Your Most Memorable Match?

Generally – Wood St away, Andy Wheble 2 wickets in last 4 balls to win.
Personally – v Lindsey Clark XI 2007, maiden hundred (and I was playing for the LC’s against Grayshott – not sure what that says about our bowling attack!)

A game you would like to forget?

Stevens Cup final 2008, I was toilet. Stevens Cup final 2002 – we won, but I forgot it was on and went to the Oval to watch England v India. I’ve still yet to play in a winning final…

Grayshott’s Joker?

Andy Wheble, except for the ten minutes after he’s out.  Ollie Roberts for his clothes, what’s worse is I don’t think he does it as a joke.

What is your favourite drink?

Strongbow, westons, aspynall, thatchers, all ciders really, Fizzle – Fisherman’s Friends dissolved in vodka overnight.

What is your favourite food?

A very hot curry

Who do you really fancy?

Haydn Panettiere – cheerleader in ‘heroes’

What do you drive?

Rover 25, I stole it from a 103 year old incontinent gentleman

Who does the Best Cricket Tea?

From a 1st XI POV, Phil Coleshill

Do you have any pets?

No – cats are boring, dogs are time consuming and everything else is just pointless.

What is your Favourite band/type of music?

Arctic Monkeys, Kooks, Coldplay, but will listen to most stuff.

What was your ambition when younger?

Professional sportsman of some kind

Favourite Football Team?

Arsenal – the only team to go unbeaten in a league season for 100+ years. Yes, we are that good.

Anything in your life so far that you regret having done or not done?

Not choosing a better course at university, not taking up some sort of musical instrument.

If you could invite 3 people, dead or alive, to dinner, who would they be and why?

Haydn Panettiere to look at, Steven Fry to amaze me with his general genius, and JRR Tolkien to read me a bed time story.

What was your last lie?

“Yes, Billy, I am listening” – most games of the season.

Describe yourself in 5 words

Nice bloke, nice and fat.

What’s the best book you ever read?

Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter James is pretty good too, Dead Simple is a classic.

What’s your dream job?

Working with Cagey – big salary to watch TV, go to the pub, and google rubbish to send to people.  I’m wearing him down slowly – now he just says no rather than telling me to f*** off.

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?

Bordon isn’t great, Malia in Greece was a dive, following Phil C into the toilet in the Pittsburgh Steelers Fan Bar in Florida wasn’t a pleasant experience.

If you could fly on a magic carpet, where would you go?

Inside the Royal Mint, and I’d quite like to go to the Emirates Stadium Season Ticket office to jump my application up about 15,000 places.

If you could go back in history and prevent one person being born, who would you and why?

Ashley Cole, to save the world from his greedy, money grabbing, sleazy way of life (plus it would leave Cheryl for me).  Rogert Mugabe isn’t a nice chap.

Funniest Moment on a Cricket Field?

Watching Andy Lang turning to come back for a second run – I’ve seen milk turn quicker than him.  Ali playing a forward defensive whilst looking at the road behind him, Robbie Judge’s catching, Aaron Higgins getting a serious case of short man syndrome every time he plays us, Cagey’s “encouragement” of Venu in the field when Cagey was significantly nearer the ball that he was making Venu chase, great delegation. Ollie Roberts throwing his bat and/or ending up on his arse trying (unsuccessfully) to hit more 6’s. Andy Wheble calling for a drink after batting for 7 overs. Ali eating stinging nettles to fire himself up at Dogmersfield (It worked). Matt Haywood giving his pre match speeches and prompting the 10 other players to search through their pocket dictionaries to translate. Matt Haywood getting hit in the face BEFORE the game and going to hospital (not too funny at the time, but more funny by the year since). Simon Whitley claiming he would retire when I hit for a 6, and then bottling it whilst watching the ball sail into the trees. Jim Brophy’s keeping. Games of spoof where Pete Hannam is ALWAYS nearest Tower Bridge. Billy’s interpretation of “black tie”. Andy Wheble kicking his helmet (tee hee) all the way off the pitch at Tilford, including over the road.  Cagey’s dives indoors, and speciality ricochet-off-the-wall fielding.

Best thing about Grayshott Cricket Club?

All of the funny moments above help make it enjoyable. Social life, decent cricket and good mates.  The fact that it’s in Grayshott is fairly important.